12:06 AM - 07.04.05
Lilies
Last night when I entered the building where my neighbour works, there was quite a commotion going on. People emerging in droves from the bank of elevators that services one of the really large companies in the city. In addition, there were staff filling the escalators going up to the mezzanine. Normally the foyer is like a tomb by the time I arrive after work, so I wanted to make certain I wasn't walking in to a situation that was unsafe. Nope. Everyone obviously knew each other well, indicating that they all likely worked for one department. Finally one woman yelled to two women travlling down the escalators "Did you hear? So and so just got fired!" Whoever the person was, her name had a fairly strong effect on those within hearing. I decided making myself invisible against one of the pillars was a good choice. I was detailing the scene to my neighbour this morning and wondered out loud if it had anything to do with the merger of that company and one of its eastern competitors. "What are you talking about?" Well everyone knows about it - a couple of the service people I deal with told me about it last fall. Apparently not everyone does, because my neighbour was almost rendered speechless for a moment.
The work day was very productive in terms of making headway with the primary task I had been assigned. I had had so much fun doing the research for the legal department the afternoon before, I decided I'd better knuckle down to the main task today. Besides that, I'm still waiting for the response from the lawyer with respect to the questions I sent in at the end of the day yesterday. The planning committee for the play day in June emailed to say that the proposal from the dance studio had been accepted and that I could take the next step in formalizing the agreement - looking after the deposit and that kind of thing. Normally non-permanent staff would never be allowed to sign off on expense accounts, but then again this company seems to do a lot of things that no other company I've worked for over the past 5 years would. The last time I was allowed such privileges was during the three year assignment I had just before the 2000 election. Emailed the owner of the Dance studio and we had an e-discussion of some technical issues. Then the chair of the committe called me later this afternoon to ask some questions herself. The committee won't post the choices for another few weeks because they want us to have clarified all the details first. In between those interruptions, Theory of a Deadman and AC/DC were up on my diskman. Loud - really loud, almost at the make your eardrums bleed level. It felt good. Don't know what was up with that, but we all have our days right? It wasn't a feeling of fear or anger - I actually felt safe for a change yesterday and today. There is this one company that does a lot of work or the records centers in this industry, moving all the hard copy material when moves are imminent. A couple of the men have worked with or around me at several assignments and it is always comforting to see them on site. Guess it's just that familiar face and the sense of predictability thing. Right. dream on, illusion has it's place right?
Good thing though since Fred, the ghost, decided he wanted to introduce himself to my one regular walking partner I have over lunch. As we were returning to our office building, I stepped into the revolving doors. As I did so they suddenly started spinning very fast. It was all I could do to hop in and then out safely. She asked if he did that often, but I said it was a special performance just for her. Odd and just a bit disorienting. Anyway at the beginning of our walk, up Centre Street bridge and across the escarpment, then switching back and forth on the river path, before taking a quick break at the YMCA before heading back to work. She is starting to train for running a marathon and was telling me about the problem she was having with her knees. Same as mine - the meniscus popping out. She mentioned she had started taking glucosamine/chondroitin the day before, after her knees had locked up for about 20 minutes while she was out shopping. She was wondering how long it might be before it became effective. I had started taking them about 10 days ago and within a week my knee was feeling and working much better. Funny synchronicity.
Next up, she mentioned how glad she was to be in a mostly female department for the time being. The freedom to not have to worry about that undercurrent that always seems to be there when the numbers are different. I mentioned that was one of the reasons that I was so happy with this job placement too. I explained about what had happened at my last two assignments with different male co-workers and at the election as well, expressing my frustration at not being able to deal with it better. Not that there aren't problems in an all female staff. On the contrary, but we both know our own gender well and have the tools to deal with most of that. We talked a bit about the stereotypes that are used among women to control and dominate those deemed lower down in the pecking order. I think that was one of the first essays I wrote when we first began our relationship dear diary. It's funny how we are our own worst enemies sometimes, isn't it.
The worst stereotypes that are applied to us are the ones we create in our own minds. I'm too fat, too old, to tall, too short, too dumb, not of that faith, not of that race, not of that culture ...... so I can't do 'belly dancing'. Why not? If you have a belly it can dance, not knowing it's got the "wrong" genetic makeup. The limitation is all in your head.
Those internal barriers are a given too across nationalitites. This story Aliens in the Arab News could have been printed in any local newspapers in North America in the past few weeks - in fact I believe it has been. Just change the names of the cities. Then there are the "identifiable group" angst things. Going back to my essay on rap singers, the biggest barrier to success sometimes lies in the culture itself. How can someone call Bill Cosby or Will Smith "Uncle Toms"? I have never seen them pander to any stereotype held by a person of another race in order to succeed, yet it is the jealousy stated in that form by their own family grouping that pulls them down. I asked one of the people I know within their community why that was so. I heard all about how there are only stereotypes about their race in the media and anyone who works in the industry is a traitor. I don't watch a lot of movies or television, but I could list off any number of shows that feature lawyers, teachers, doctors, spiritual leaders and so on of a number of other races/cultures/faiths, not just that particular community. Besides that, what other culture would want to claim Homer Simpson as a role model. I asked that friend why, if they felt those portrayals were inaccurate, someone from their community didn't write or produce some screenplays then. The response was that it wasn't done. The truth is there are a lot of writers and directors from a number of different faith, cultural, race and ethnic groups who write, direct and produce all at the same time. It is done - often.
Claiming victim status as one's own innate stereotype doesn't hold much weight when that is the rationale used. I hated the stereotypes thrown around about single "welfare" Moms and their "criminal" children. I challenged those every chance I got and so did a lot of other single parents. I made certain by my actions and those of my sons that the lie was put to the slander every time it was possible to do so. It has taken over two decades to see the progress in the perception the mainstream community in Calgary holds of us and the communities where we live - that affordable housing thing. There is still a lot of work to do, but you can't demand that someone else do it for you nor can you complain about the stereotyping, if you are always responding as though every comment or action around you is generated solely by that one characteristic - in my case being a single mom. Sometimes I didn't get invited to functions or didn't get positions I applied for, but that didn't mean it was because of my marital or parental status. I wouldn't allow anyone to treat me as though I was a victim. When it came to the "Single woman" gig sometimes when males in companies I worked for were jerks it was just because they were jerks to everyone, not just me. It would have been very easy to male bash a lot during the past twelve years of struggling to raise my sons, but I tried to remember that every single thing I said as a generalization of the gender must then also be applied to my sons equally - all six of them. Changed my attitude in a hurry a lot of times. Doesn't mean I don't fall into that trap from time to time either. When I was going to look at the building with my tech a week ago I made a crack about males and their driving habits. He took me to task for stereotyping men that way quite vigorously and I apologized abjectly, allowing that I did know better. He relented a bit, then commented that besides that his wife had just said the same thing to him and he wished women wouldn't do that. Uh huh.
Ah yes, the battle of the sexes. Won't ever die, but it doesn't have to be toxic. I loved the show "Home Improvement" and I laugh through the "Red Green" show. They only work because they celebrate the differences even while making fun of them. Vive la difference. Why can't we make more of an effort to apply that in all the other areas of diversity in our lives. We don't rip out lilies because we only want roses do we? Why do human beings count for less? "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow...."
�
�
