11:47 PM - 15.02.05
Monologues
"Red Sky in the Morning - Sailors Take Warning". That old nursery rhyme played out this morning. Driving in to downtown, the prettiest deep pink sunrise peeking over the horizon. The downside? Red sunrises are supposed to portend high winds. I know that even as a passenger in the van my neighbour drives, my feet were freezing and I just couldn't get warm. Stepped outside her office building to head to mine and a bitter, icy wind cut me to the bone. Just one of those - yep I'm awake sensations, I guess. The upside is that soon daylight will be the hallmark of the morning journey. I love velvety, black night skies, but not when I have to be out travelling to work, thank you very much.
"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths."
Bertrand Russell
I decided that this was going to be a "woman" day at work and Mr Russell's qoute just was rather timely. Remember I mentioned that my sister's sister-in-law had loaned me a copy of "The Vagina Monologues"? I knew from the press clippings that it had first been performed on Valentine's Day and realized that I should probably have listened to the performance yesterday as a mark of respect. However, I'm sure, dear diary, that ysterday you detected that I was emotionally a little ubalanced. Between the work events from the week before and the job interview, I was afraid that my response to the performance might be a little stronger than is acceptable in polite office terms. Today was calmer, so I thought it would be a good substitute. Started off with Madonna's Immaculate Collection just to set the tone. I think I need to borrow some of my sons' Annie Lennox cds too, but that notwithstanding, La Donna's work made for an excellent segue into "the Work". Remember I noted that the partition between me and the rest of the staff is quite high, so I thought any untoward response would likely be hidden well enough. Good thing I think.
I did get a little concerned when our speaker mentioned there was one segment of the monologue where it was frequent to see people in the audience faint - can't afford that. I think she must have been referring to her tribute to the women in Bosnia and I agree it is pretty powerful. As a volunteer I had helped interview some Bosnian refugees here as part of the preparation for the World Court trial for war crimes of some of their leaders. I think I've mentioned before dear diary, that there is no "pure Race" because one of the regular atrocities of war is the rape and sexual mutilation of women, men and children - almost all civilians - as part of the "spoils of war" and for "sport". Whatever. If someone had not been aware of the practice, let alone heard a description of the regular pattern that the assaults take, it would be very overpowering to anyone with an ounce of empathy in them. I know some of the descriptions I've read from technical reports and Amnesty International articles are ones that are seared on my memory and no amount of scrubbing can remove the "damned spot". That spot? The feeling of guilt that I haven't done enough my self to help and also something like survivor's guilt. I think every female knows that it could as easily be them. According to the monologist, there are more reported rapes in a year in the US than in the whole of the conflict in Bosnia "and we are technically not at war". When one considers that the number of reported rapes is a fraction of all the actual assaults, that number almost becomes incomprehensible when applied year after year after year. And the perpetators? The courts let the ones who get to trial off pretty easily and the rest have no accountability at all. After all they didn't really mean or they didn't understand what they were doing. Or as one woman on the train said to another of the man who murdered his pregnant partner on the weekend, " He must have been under some terrible pressure, poor guy". Yea, almost as terrible as that the woman and child experienced right? So yes, I giggled at a lot of what I heard but it was also a kick in the gut in many ways too.
In some ways listening to the tapes was a bit of thumbing my nose at the office environment I work in and I needed that little act of defiance today. I think. The ultra conservative, "the winner take it all and damn the rest" attitude and the suppression of any attempt to humanize the work day for the regular peons demands it. I reckon if those articles in our local paper about electronic surveillance of our activities during the day in corporate Calgary are true, then whoever is listening got an education whether they wanted it or not. Take that! You pointy haired bosses. After the performance some Vonda Shepard, Leanne Rimes, Etta James, Natalie McMaster, while I thought within myself.
First human contact at work was with the one gentleman I had asked to be a reference for me. He had just got back to town from a work/play trip. A curling bonspiel and his team had won their league and got prizes to boot. Pretty exciting news in this country. He had obviusly called as soon as he had arrived to work to open his email. We had a nice chat and he said he'd be pleased to vouch for me. Made me feel good. Next up, when I opened my email, was a note from my supervisor saying my coworker had called in sick and wouldn't be in. He had left in the early afternoon the day before, so it wasn't all that much of a surprise. I emailed the recruitment agency with respect to my conversation with my one reference and they responded that they would talk with him PDQ. Spent the balance of the day just keying in data - no break for lunch - to make up for the time I spent in the interview yesterday. A lot of the staff on site just poking their heads into my hidey hole to make me come up for air once in a while. At lunch - sandwiches and cookies in the lunchroom, help yourself. Got to love office meetings right? My youngest had packed a sandwich for me, but it was nice to be included anyway. The co-worker was away, but that one jerk was still trolling past the desk - seemed to be there a lot. Doesn't he ever just work? One of the other consultants - could I pass on the labelling specs to her, since she was directed to create new files by her liaison. Not allowed to do that because of reporting protocols, so I emailed my supervisor about it. "Hate the Game, Not the Player". In the afternoon when I was praying while Etta sang, my tech for the election tapped on my desk. Chat about election tasks and some questions. I promised to gather some information for him, so he could have backup when he takes it up with them in Ottawa. I wished him well on that one. They usually book us into training rooms where they know all the exits and hidey holes intimately. Hard to pin them down in the physical or metaphorically, but no harm done trying, I guess. Key board crashed again around 3 pm. Called the one tech after doing the unplug then reconnect routine with no luck. He came by about 15 minutes later to have a look. His counterpart showed up a couple of minutes later and they went over the beast once more. Declared intractible by the two of them with the decision taken to replace/rebuild the whole computer. In the meantime, the keyboard was coaxed into life for just that last hour's worth of work and I soldiered on, Mein Herr. I left 15 minutes early so that the tech could work his magic without having to put in overtime and because I hadn't taken a break all day. Couldn't think straight anymore any way.
At the transfer site from train to bus, I realized that my supervisor had called my cell while I was on the train. Called him back. He sounded beat and pretty down and I did feel badly about that. I understand what it feels like to be constantly under the gun from doing the election gig and I can empathize. However, I still can't do my job properly if we can't even communicate on the most basic level. He wanted to go over the weekly report and respond to my email about the labelling. Just direct those questions to the liaison. Last week the directions were to ask him first. I think he just has way too much on his plate and can't remember enough of the details to be consistent. I understand the feeling - my tech and I had talked about some of those very issues earlier. I've already delegated some responsibilities to him that I wouldn't with the last tech, because I know he could follow through in a way that would meet my goals first. Hope that frees up some of my time to address some of the other concerns I have from reading my posts to you last election. I'm struggling a bit with what are my weaknesses and issues, as opposed to my supervisor's responsibilities toward me. I keep trying to see it from his perspective by thinking about how I would feel if someone raised the same issues with me, when that last couple of weeks before the election are in full throttle. Truth is it would depend on the people and circumstances presenting themselves, in addition to the timing of such. I've offered to help with my supervisor's workload both in order to understand the pressures that he faces, but also to free up some of his time so I can have some of it in return for my work issues. He just seems too over burdened to be able to work that out.
Got to the grocery store and did walkabout with my youngest directing my steps over the cell phone. Uh huh. One very expensive trip, but then again the cupboards were really bare. Outside waiting for the cab and the phone rang again. So much for contemplating the sunset. It was my supervisor again. He was trying to get the weekly report done for tomorrow's team meeting and my stomach heaved at the thought of having to go through another round of stress. Just two more to go though, and hopefully this other work comes through. At one point in the afternoon, I had been switching off music and I could hear the liaison talking to the person in the office directly across from me. She allowed that she was finding understanding or working around the record retention issues quite challenging. She hadn't realized the complexity of the relationship between provincial and federal regulatory bodies/statutes let alone those between other international bodies,like her own nation's or those overseas. Uh huh. Hope that translates somehow to discussion around the boardroom table tomorrow. Finished off the call just as the cab was pulling up to the curb. Got home to one very happy son. I hadn't forgotten a single nice-to-have items, including the belated Valentine's treats. And that bad cat had come back too - that Miss Kitty who had escaped to play with her consorts on Sunday - just before that big snowfall hit. Heard from my sister's sister-in-law - she's having her trials too right now, and her trip to the west coast has been delayed as a result. Mutual commiseration and updates and then off to nap and work. Time for a shower and bed now I think. Good night dear diary.
�
�
