11:29 PM - 24.09.04
Work Issues - part dos
Yesterday I was leaning over the checkout table in the records room entering some information onto a paper spreadsheet. One of the scientists walking by made to give me a pat on the behind and stopped himself just inches from contact. Now, as it was one of the scientists I happen to respect and like I just took it as a joke and laughed it off. I don`t know if he`s married, single or sky blue pink with a purple border nor do I care. I know he wouldn`t intentionally cause me harm.
However, you see what I mean about workplace flirting. I imagine because of the boundry problems I`ve had with the brother teasing, and the ensuing gossip, that the barrier to more personal interaction I usually manage to keep very tightly in place has been broken. If that had been one of the scientists who I dislike my reaction would have been quite different. That is the problem with some males. They think if they see a woman being receptive to a more friendly relationship with one male then that means that she MUST accept any other advances as well - and they tend to be very nasty if they are asked to act just as co-workers.
To me it is no different than forming friendships with some of the females I work with in different workplaces. I always seem to make at least one friend in each assignment, because we find we share common values and interests. None of the other women in the same workplace - usually - would assume that meant that they were on the same footing with me and there is no resentment at only interacting as co-workers. Probably there is even relief that I don`t want anything else from them -right? It`s that gonads thing you know.
The brother is very skilled at the social art, but it is also very evident that he doesn`t mean anything by his actions - his feelings for his wife are frequently and openly expressed. I think I have let down my guard with him because it is so rare to see the art of flirting done so well by a guy. In my eyes it is just a form of entertainment at an assignment that is very upsetting and exhausting. Also because he is openly not making any play other than playing for it`s own sake I feel safe around him. Something that is rare especially in the setting we`re in. He reminded me on Friday that he would be back at his new asignment next week - I just feel scared about that, no pining over "lost love" you know. As I`ve noted though that is only acceptable behaviour from him - or anyone else -in a social setting. I`m sure you`ve noticed, dear diary, that I avoid social settings wherever I can. I still am too afraid of males to even consider trying another relationship. There are men who I`ve known and observed for a long time in many situations that I would be receptive to - if they weren`t married. There is one person in particular I care for very much, but think about it. If someone else seems happily married and you care that much about them why would you even consider having a relationship with them that might cause them to lose something that makes them happy? You know, like their marriage. How can one say they care about a person then go out of their way to hurt them - "I`m doing this because I love you". Not - that is just self interest talking right?
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