10:53 PM - 09.09.04
Solutions
The brother is getting too flirty, dear diary, and I don't know how to respond to it. Remember I've talked about that one contract about four years ago where I was almost fired for asking to be left alone by the male supervisor I had then. Means I am incredibly gun shy. In the first case I wasn't accusing him of anything (in writing) I was just saying I wasn't interested in him other than as a co-worker.
This time around I don't feel pressured in the same way, but it does mean that I am feeling very uncomfortable even though I enjoy the joking. It's definitely a pleasant change. The touching is not though. Just brushing the hand and that sort of thing but a) he's married, b) he's the liaison's brother and c)perception is everything. In this industry everyone, male and female, seems to think with their gonads first. Doesn't matter what the reality is - for a single or divorced woman that can be job threatening at best and reputation damaging into the bargain.
What made me extra edgy today was the business card sitting on the brother's computer this morning when I logged onto his PC - thesoftware for the scanning wasn't installed on mine yet so I have to work on his. About two months after theincident at the other company I was sent to do a special project where the person whose business card was on the PC tower, was working. I was to clean up the office and projects of a woman who had left abruptly. One who had been dating one of the most senior people in the company in to the bargain. I don't know much of the story behind it nor do I want to but in several different ways I was made privy to a lot of information that was no one's business including my own. This fellow was often talking about this woman in a derogatory manner - both personally and with respect to her work. Given that I was still dealing with the trauma of being uprooted and harassed for saying no I wasn't even going to comment about the weather around this guy in case he carried his gossiping over with my name attached to it. This fellow is now a senior manager in this company.
When I started working with my current supervisor I gave him all the documentation I had about the incident, because I know in an industry such as this where it is like a small town, the issue would eventually come up. I wanted him to see and to know what had transpired from my point of view. As well I was very careful to conduct myself, in the old fashioned sense, as a "lady". Something that is definitely out of style these days - so are my clothes so it all fits you see. No jokes, no innuendoes, no touch, no drinking or socializing, no time in a room alone with any male older than my sons. nNthing that would imply that I was "after a man" or open to any sort of relationship. Most times Iremove myself as quickly as possible even in the kitchen when any male in the company enters. It's just self-protection.
So, even though there may be no intention, other than trying to pass the tediousness that is a major part of the assignment in a more entertaining way, the brother's behaviour makes me feel very uncomfortable. I do laugh at his jokes and impressions but I know that it has already been marked by some of the other staff. Again all there needs to be is the perception of a relationship - not anything else to cause harm. Just don't quite know how to redraw and reestablish the boundaries without seeming unkind or without having another eruption of rage like the last time when all I did was send an e-mail to my supervisor expressing my discomfort about the unwanted attention. I'm probably projecting but I don't think I can go through something like that again. Each day going into work and throwing up with fear. Refusing to quit or be fired because I hadn't done anything wrong.
Anyway, "I'll think about that tomorrow " said Ms Scarlett. Work today was steady. The representative from thescanning firm/consultant that the liaison wants to fire came in and it was nice to meet her. It is obvious that the company is very upset with the way things are rolling out. Don't know how it will end. The women's washroom is becoming quite the conference area - walked in on another one today. It was kind of implied that I should leave but I'm not accommodating the sneaking around that is going on. Scanned all morning, then went for a walk at lunch. 45 minutes up the hill, across the escarpment, then down through the park and Chinatown to get back to work. Forgot my headband andinhaler and really wished I hadn't. I've washed and packed a winter scarf in my office in a bag - the "s" word mentioned on the weather forecast tonight made it necessary. Back at the office, the brother said he needed five minutes to work on his computer. Enede up being there all afternoon so I just filed most of that time. The flirting behaviour started escalating yesterday afternoon and was the worst this afternoon. Verbal sallies that wouldn't likely be considered all that untoward in different circumstances but given all the other issues that have come to a head in the last day or so it is. Oh well.
My supervisor called and left a message for me tonight. Apparently part of his silence has been because another representative of our company has been assigned to do the negotiations. That happened about three contracts ago and it was disaster - remember dear diary. I wish they would quit hiring marketing people to deal with technical work. Their lack of understanding means that they make impossible commitments on my behalf just to cut their deal. Kind of like the marketer who has just cost the scanning contractor a lucrative contract and probably a lawsuit too, you know. My supervisor said he would try and hook up with me tomorrow. I'm really embarrassed by the need to talk to him about the flirt thing but I think I need a) to get it in perspective - maybe it isn't an issue to anyone but me and b) I need to feel safe where Iam. He said he was working on some other things where they could move me when it is all set up so maybe I won't have to stay in this assignment much longer - still no contract so they can't want me that badly right? Good solution, when challenged - run away.
�
�
