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10:04 PM - 31.08.04
Fatigue
About a week ago, it was so hot and humid here that it didn't cool down enough to even open the windows in my home until around midnight. At that time, I shut my bedroom to keep the cats out and opened the balcony door to let the air in. I was really tired, but I decided I would wait half an hour then close up the house for the night. Famous last words. At 4:30 in the am I awoke to find myself snuggled under a couple of blankets and my comforter bathed in the coolest part of the early morning air. It was about 5.6 C/40 F and it felt so good lying there that the feeling could have been a postcard. Realized that my balcony door was still wide open and marvelled that I had not been bothered by anything or anyone in that time. The newspaper was publishing stories about the aggressive behaviour of the coyote population this summer. They also carried a lot of stories about the aggressive behaviour of the human face of theft and vandalism. Not even a barking dog in my community though - I hadn't slept that well for months.

Saw my chiropractor at lunch. He was chatting away, when all of a sudden he asked about the next Federal election call. I noted that there had been no announcement to that effect anywhere. He nodded and said an insider he knew had been told the team (governing party)had been called together and that they had been told what the election strategy would be. I asked him to let me know when he had anything conclusive to offer. Fine. Would I reciprocate if any inside Retruning Officer infortmation became available. Truth is we don't get told any more than the newspaper reporters - even less, I think - enough said. I then pointed to the nape of my neck and said something to the effect that I held him responsible for getting those muscles all tensed up again. He just laughed and kept on working.

Work day was a little bit odd - not that that's much of a change, dear diary. For part of the day I was redirected to receive several shipments that came back from the scanners. That was fine - until the last box/file. Ended up with some sort of insect bite. The bite caused some fairly serious issues in that my left forearm was covered with an allergic reaction to it. Ditto for the right forearm although no bug bites appeared to be there. I made certain that the brother looked at the allergic reaction before I took the antihistamines that I always carry with me, that I hoped would be enough to stop any worse reactions. I wasn't sure that was enough though, because numbness started affecting the left little finger just above the bite site. Great - neural involvement. That lasted about half an hour then started to subside slowly. There is still some evidence of the reaction as I type.

Later, while I was in the workroom labouring away on the technical analysis, I found what appears to be a set of the initials I mentioned that were being treated as a problem a week ago Wednesday. If they are identical to the ones I was asked to look at then, the person in question is neither of the people under suspicion. It is the one I thought of to begin with. I think the cuplrit is getting really nervous.

Continued working on the technical analysis until the brother came by and said that his sister had chewed him out after work the night before. He hadn't met any of his targets. Targets? Yes, getting me working in the database was a first priority. Well, that would be tough to organize since it still isn't allowing us to carry out the functions it was commissioned to do. He has to wait for the IT consultant to get that running.

Next up, getting more material out to another consulting firm to be electronically converted. Now, that depends on finding enough material that meets the criteria originally agreed as acceptable and that isn't prohibited because of the problems with the database. I've been working through a whole class of files that aren't a problem with respect to the database trying to find ones that fit the bill, but the other thing he was chastised for was having me do that. Right. Catch-22 anyone.

I think his sister is worried about my fees. The data management company tries to charge more when I do the technical analysis work, but we can't proceed with the other goal of scanning material until and unless it is done. As a result of her concerns (I think), his sister says from now on I am to use an industry wide software, that we all know isn't even close to accurate, to determine whether the documents fit the criteria or not. "In that case I guess I go home, because I won't risk trouble around not doing due diligence." I explained to the brother that there have been court cases in Alberta and Saskatchewan where volunteers on governing boards have each been fined $10,000 and their organizations have been hit with even greater fines for not doing due diligence. Lawyers sitting pro bono on a lot of committees won't even allow the volunteer activities to proceed without first getting all the paperwork in order to protect said volunteers. If the courts will convict people who are working on a voluntary basis of such breaches of the law, it is impossible to believe that they wouldn't be even harsher with paid staff. Quite frankly, I am not willing to risk being pushed that deep into debt or be required to work for years just to pay a fine for work I was ordered to do by the liaison to "save" a few dollars up front./P>

We were standing in the records center during this discussion. I asked the brother when I could get on the computer to pull off some information I needed, if I was to proceed with analysing the data he wanted to ship for scanning. He directed me to wait for him in the boardroom until he returned "in a couple of minutes". It ended up being over 20 minutes before he was able to return because, I suspect, he repeated our conversation and my remarks about leaving the site if I was blocked from doing the work as required by law to his sister. Permission to complete the data was given with the direction to get it done as quickly as possible. That's fine - it's about 80% done anyway and besides I don't waste company time as is. I work as quickly as the resources I'm provided with allow. Constant barriers to progress have been a problem since I began just as in the other two assignments to this company.

Because of that and the tedium of the tasks assigned, I've had a difficult time finding the motivation to come to work each day since this assignment started. I really didn't care right then what I was told I had to do. After the bombshell on Sunday I just don't care any more whether someone is pleased with me or not. I've spent most of my life working hard to do the right thing and to contribute as best I could to the community I live in and the company I work for. There is no fair treatment by our society for meeting those moral expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to descend to the level that a lot of other people have - what ever it takes to keep a job, that is. The internal feeling of integrity is something no one can take away from you and sometimes it is the only thing left for you at the end of the day.

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