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12:00 PM - 20.08.04
Coda
I had a very bad case of the blues last night, dear diary, too badd I can`t sing. When I left work all I wanted was to not ever have to go back again. I know all the stuff I talk about sounds trivial each by itself, but given that the emotional/psychological history has been layered over three assignments it`s a bit like "Chinese water torture or the straw that broke the camel`s back" it`s just that one last tiny thing that is the problem. I know breathe through your heels - wish I could figure out how to do that.

Arrived home to find one of the black kittens gone. Number four son had said that one of his girlfriends or friends that is a girl really wanted her. She had come by while he was home and picked her up. While I`d been working around mid-afternoon I had thought I could hear a kitten cryng. It sort of made sense when I realized that she was gone. All the other cats were showing distress or unease. Especially the momma cats. I can relate to that - your babies suddenly going off to a different life outside your home. Ow. Fed them and made certain they got extra cuddles. I had planned to clean out the litter boxes and get some of the other cleaning under control mostly because the house gets a bit smelly with so many felines otherwise. Ended up having to put it off when my financial officer called.

She was offering to do the work necessary to get everyone paid but she needed all their documentation and the payroll data as well. Spent the time before she arrived pulling everything together and trying to be grateful. I was grateful, but I was also hating the fact that someeone would be in my home when it was in such disarray and stinky to boot. I didn`t have enough energy to clean it though, I`d spent most of the work day trying not to vomit, my stomach was really upset by all the different cross currents and all the ambiguity. I know - don`t take it personally - breathe through your heels. Yuh huh.

After my financial officer left I went into the cat`s/computer room thinking I`d relax by reading my e-mail/jokes from friends and playing some mah jonng or surfing a bit. Not to be. The keyboard was damaged beyond my capability to repair it. When I called number three son, who has quite a bit of expertise around such issues, he just noted that the unit was so old that there wouldn`t likely be an outlet in town who would even be able to sell me a compatible keyboard. I think he said something about a four or six prong VIN something or other and that they hadn`t been manufactured forever. Why not get a new computer. Umm sure, I`ll put it on my to replace list after all the stuff in the house that still needs repairing.

Remember, dear diary, we have come to the joint conclusion -- you and I - that I must focus on maximizing what I have because there is no door number two to choose from right now. If work gets too bad I want to be able to leave without having to worry about being over extended financially because I`ve bought non-essentials. Yes you marketers, and slick admen, some of us know what you`ve been doing. Mass hypnosis and inducing mass hysteria with the intent to sell us a bunch of stuff that we could do very well without. Anyway I finally manage to cobble the Elections Canada computer back to working order so I could at least get to my inbox. I do need to get tothe rest of the features by next week because it has all the data I need to submit my timesheet but I`ll think about that this weekend.

I`d been trying to get hold of my youngest all evening to see what was happening about my daughter in law and when he would be returning home. I really miss him. No luck - they only have their cell phones and my oldest son had taken those with him to the hospital so his partner could return calls for her and he could receive some calls he was waiting for with respect to repairing his car. Apparently it has something to do with the transmission - I think that`s expensive if one doesn`t shop around. He was waiting for quotes I think. Finally my daughter in law returned my call and we were able tospeak for a while. Neither of my sons is up on the workings of female anatomy - except for the playing part of course. That meant that the information they were relaying to me bore no resemblance to anything concrete in the way of determining her condition. What she told me gave me the impression that the doctor was holding some information back. Remember, dear diary, in this province they even kick women who have just had a mastectomy out within 24 hours of surgery. My daughter in law has been kept in for a week now. part of it was becuase they had to resort to traditional scalpel surgery instead of lasers, meaning much bigger wounds to heal and the stitching was the old catgut because my daughter in law is allergic to the staples they use. Her incision was still weeping until last night. If she put any pressure on them -you know picking up her 2 or 3 year old - there would be the risk of them bursting. It will likely be at least another week before she is ambulatory I think.

Anyway eachthing by itself was not all that important but all of them together hitting me in one evening when I was already feeling physically wiped out just led to overload. Boo hoo I guess. Got my act together and got myself out the door this morning intact. Bus and train were almost empty - anyone who could getting in that last four day weekend out in the mountains and by the lakes I guess. Spent the morning doing more technical analysis of the data. The brother was calmer or more subdued so the behaviour of the day before wasn`t an issue. He was still really worried because the software that we are supposed to be using isn`t operational but he can`t control that, nor would any reasonable person blame him for it. However, I told him it gave me flashbacks to the election when I was being told to meet statutory deadlines without the tools to do so being supplied. Or as in the case when I spent a day I couldn`t spare working around software problems in EC`s end in order to create the results required - the Mobile Poll notice - only to have one of their techs undo all my work right after while I was out of the office without my knowledge or consent. I was trying to empathize with him but I don`t know if that`s how it came across. Oh well I can only offer what solace I`ve got right? Training finally started at about 2 -2:30 pm today. Ended at 3:30 pm wth the trainer dashing out the door shortly after having to patch the software once again. He also told us certain aspects of the software still were`t operational, he`d be back on Tuesday to fix that. He said he didn`t think it would interfere with our ability to perform the basic tasks we needed to get going on before the liaison returns from holidays on Monday. Sure. I worked on one process and was about halfway through at 5 pm, clicked on the validation toggle and - voila the system crashed. The brother and I tried to get it operational again, finally succeeding by 5:30 pm. Problem wa the system wouldn`t allow uspast the point that I`d reached earlier. Packed it in and went home when the trainer did not respond to our voicemails.

Home tonight, litter boxes are swabbed out, the cats feasted on real tuna, several loads of wash are done and I might get to the dishes - or not. Maybe I`ll just tuck the cats in and call it a day.

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