10:33 p.m. - 2004-07-22
Revolution
My visit to my doctor first thing this morning was quick and positive. One can make an appoiuntment or come in to the office as a "walk in". Since my doctor was completely booked until next week, long after my prescription ran out, the receptionist suggested coming in this morning as a walk in was my best option. I wasn't so sure since, in the old days, walk in meant upwards of a two hour wait. I was in and out in half an hour. Early bird gets the worm.
He commented that my blood pressure was a bit high but considering that I've had to suck on my inhaler on a regular basis for the past three weeks in order to breathe that is not a surprise. One of the side effects of that medication. You choose - stop breathing or have a stroke. He did comment on the fact that I had lost more weight. I'm glad it looks that way. I feel heavier even though my clothes are looser - probably because of the heat and the fact that my "summer" clothes are still a bit too tight to wear. I keep thinking I should fit in to them by now but I guess I am making progress.
Got into work about an hour and a half later than I usually do and walked in a staff breakfast about to begin. Headed down to my office quick to get out of their way. Grabbed a coffee then took the final version of the progress report into my co-worker's office to get his feedback. No problems or revisions, so I left a voicemail for our supervisor to tell him that it was a go. Skipped lunch to make up the lost time and continued on until the scientist I've been working with arrived for work. We went through all the data I'd sorted and the different scenarios that our liaison and I had been able to scope out in terms of cataloguing it for him. He opted for a hard copy paper route rather than an electronic record option. Fair game. We talked about how to group the information as wel and he seemed comfortable with how I had handled things. That's a major compliment in my books. A specialist who is very picky about how you are managing their data not having any concerns about one's work is a very good vote of confidence.
Staarted working on that data next. My supervisor returned my call sometime around then and had some positive words about the way the report was managed. I asked him if he had read it and he allowed he hadn't - yet. i laughed and suggested that he wait until after he read it before he said that. He sounded a bit nervous when he asked why. Other than the fact that I'd reduced the font by one point and taken out all the extra spacing to allow for more text, there really wasn't any reason, but I'd followed the letter of his instruction instead of the spirit of them so I thought he might not be happy with that. He also asked me which last name I was using with respect to the next assignment because the liaison said she wasn't familiar with my maiden name when she saw it. I reminded him that he had had her change it around the last contract andthat was at the end of last year. I've been using it for well over a year through the data management company so the question just threw me a bit. It also brought home to me the fact that I waas really expected to go back to the other assignment and how much I don't want to be there. I spent the next couple of hours with my music turned up full volume contemplating my options. The only one that seemed feasible was to be looking for some other contract instead. I don't really want to let my supervisor down or leave working with him, but I just don'tthink I can stomach this posting for very long.
Steve Earle was playing in the background and then Mary Chapin Carpenter. They both sing slightly edgy in your face types of songs, the kind where the hero just tells everyone else to back off if they don't like the choices that are being made. Those tracks are the ones I choose when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Steve Earl is playing at the Folk Festival this weekend and I'd love to see him in person, but the tickets are pretty steep and I don't know anyone who would be willing to spend that kind of money to go with me. I think I'll wait until he does another visit in a less costly venue. Worth the price of admission though and timely too.
I think one of the things that is torquing up my angst right now is a death in my ex's family. His uncle committed suicide last weekend. The boys picked up on that right away without having to have it explained. His wife of about 50 years died about a year ago and he just couldn't stay without her. Sad. The part that makes me feel overwhelmed though, is that he was one of my ex's favorite uncles - "just like the father he never had". But you see, his real father committed suicide about 22 years ago and that was the trigger that he claimed allowed him the right to the increasing drug and alcohol abuse. At least that was his excuse. Other people use tough circumstances to become stronger, he chose to make it a crutch to become weaker and meaner. This death brought all the trauma that has caused back in a cascade of memories and fears of what this next round of "poor me" might bring. My biggest fear is how it will play out in his relationship with my sons. He can be very manipulative and punishing. They will be his targets because they are emotionally vulnerable, all having known and loved that particular uncle too - and that was well deserved, being that he was a fine and honorable man. I don't what I can do I think the answer is likely nothing. I think too that that is why I am having the flight response to this upcoming contract. The type of emotional abuse dished out in that company is very similar to some of the stuff my ex used to do. I'm projecting and trying to avoid the same pattern re-establishing itself in my life. Does that make any sense to you, dear diary?
Anyway on a more positive note. I talked with the walking buddy I bumped into yesterday briefly today to set up a time to start our walking regime again. Next week we'll start and that's about right. She gave me a quick update on all the people I used to work with when we were at the same company together. That company has divested most of it's business here and therefore almost all it's employees as well. A few reminisces that were fairly entertaining. Her current beau was one person I'd worked with at the old company and he is now in the same building too. He was with her yesterday because they were at the motorcycle show that was featuuring his bike among others. I walked up just before the prizes were being handed out. Apparently he won one so that was cool too. He's nmow at another company within the building the two of us work in - one that I wokred in as a consultant about 3 years ago. When she asked me what I though about that corporate culture I hedged a bit. There were big problems at the time but they may have been resolved by now. It's sometimes better to go into a new job with a positive expectation and attitude that to worry about what went before. Sometimes it is wise to be aware that one is walking into the lion's den. Don't know in this case. Her parting comment was the same as my doctor's - you've lost a lot of weight! Twice in one day is a good sign - right?
Next call - on my coffee break - was from one of the candidates. They have to turn in certain fianacial documents to me by next Wednesday or they lose the $1000 deposit they made when they registered to run as a candidate. When Ireminded him what he had to turn in he claimed that it was my fault that he had lost some of it. He stated that I hadn't given the material directly to him but to a student who was part of his campaign team. Not so because the law is very stringent on that - it can only be released to him or his agent. His signature was on the documents. Came home tonight to check an earlier post in you pages, dear diary, and sure enough the person he claimed I gave them to in error wasn't even present in the office at the time he signed for them. He became quite abusive as he was trying to deny responsibility for his negligence and he is one of the reasons I don't want Elections Canada telling people to "just drop by y'all". I will not have him in my home under any circumstance nor any of his goons. Period. Oh well.
Shortly after that call our liaison came into my office. I'd left a note on her desk earlier asking for some tasks that only she can handle to be done so I could move forward with some work I needed to do. I updated her on the discussion I'd had with the scientist and she concurred with his directions. Could I be available to come in part time, after this assignment is done at the end of next week, to carry out the extra work that will be generated by the decisions made. I let her know that I had been asking my supervisor that question the day before partly because I really enjoy the material and the work involved but also because if I can split my time between the two assignments - the current and the new one - then I might be able to cope with the stress that will be generated over in the other tower. Our liaison said she would appraoch my supervisor to work something out. I hope they can. The two people who were the root of the problem at the upcoming assignment last time were waiting on the train platform at the end of the work day and their reaction to my presence was less than comforting.
Anyway - time for bed I think. Tomorrow is the next day right?
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