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8:36 p.m. - 2004-07-17
Well
My youngest and I walked over to the local mall today. We had banking shopping and post office errands to do. It was about noon so the temperature was already past 30 C/90 F. I was wearing denim jeans, a long sleeve,heavy weight cotton shirt and canvas runners. Warm but comfortable. My son noted that a year ago I wouldn't have been able to tolerate the heat let alone go out walking in it dressed as I was. That's true.

Ever since I became ill just before getting pregnant with him, my metabolism completely changed - shut down in many ways. Weight gain, chronic pain, fatigue, lethargy, inability to tolerate any kind of heat and a host of allergies and intolerances. Since last fall I've been steadily regaining ground healthwise. Losing weight, gaining in strength and endurance - a bit at least. The constant aching pain has diminished and I feel easier somehow. Don't know what changed but the reaction of different people certainly is interesting. I did begin a modified atkins diet last fall and that allowed me enough energy to be more consistent with exercising - walking mostly, but belly dance and yoga too. Doesn't account for all the changes in my health but it certainly has been a factor.

How are people who have known me for a long time reacting. A lot with anger and criticism. "You know people die, who use the atkins plan" Well yes but isn't the number one cause of illness in our society being traced back to obesity? So why is my reasonably paced weight loss -9 months and counting - perceived as such a threat? Don't know, but there are all sorts of attempts at sabotaging the changes. Verbal and physical both. Verbal are the dire warnings and put downs while the physical are the constant attempts to reconfigure my diet back to what it was before. I don't think so. Before trying the atkins thing I had tried ever nutritionists counsel and a lot of other diets with always the result of no loss or even more gains. Added in were physical symptoms like stomach pain and fatigue. Why would I go back to that and why would anyone who truly cared about me want me to return to that? I don't know either.

I do know I am enjoying the hot weather for the first time in years. I used to love lying on a beach just baking in the sun - that sense of every atom in one's body being caressed and enfolded by the sun. I also like being able to stay awake and active for a lot longer than I used - I feel more like part of the world at large again and that can't be bad either can it? It means I've found that even working full time I'm able to read whole books again in a day or two at the most and I can sit through a whole movie without having to rest. I think I'll just letthe nayssayers and the negative nellies fade out of my life and focus on more positive relationships with people as well as my body. I think I deserve that.

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