10:38 p.m. - 2004-05-17
Release
The weekend was so busy that it was a relief to go to work today. There, all I needed to focus on is the task I've been assigned.
Today was a national holiday for the country of the company I am assigned to right now. I wasn't aware of it until I had to take a powder room break. To get there, I have to shortcut through the dining room or take a long detour around most of the rest of the building. The scenic route might offer some unexpected benefits, but time management is one of the key requirements of this industry so it is rare for me to deviate from the "straight and narrow". As I walked into the dining room, I became aware of the fact that just about everyone else I've met in the office was sitting there, obviously enjoying the celebration. There was even a cake with their country's flag prominent. I'm not a particularly social person especially not in the workplace. I don't really feel comfortable sitting in on group anythings. However, I felt very uncomfortable having to walk through the crowd even though I had a legitimate reason to do so. A couple of the women who I know best came into my office shortly after I returned there, having used the scenic route to avoid a repeat of the disruption to their party. They appeared to feel really uncomfortable about not having invited me to join in. I just said it didn't matter as I was still trying to get over the birthday cake from the day before.
The odd thing was that later after lunch it was obvious from the noise that the group had got together again to celebrate, but had moved their activities down into the far wing of the floor. I'm not certain what to think. There are very few places where contract people are included in company shindigs, but it was obvious that quite a few people felt uncomfortable that I (we?) would know we were being left out. Just odd.
I went out walking at noon. The first good walk just for the sake of stretching my legs I've had since starting this contract. I had promised myself that I would do that no less than 3 times a week, so I've got some catch up to do. I went to Prince's Island park to check out the upgrades that were done over the winter. The east side of the island had been left in a wild state to accommodate the wildlife that populate the river valley. The city has created some pathways where humans can walk without intruding on their patterns too much. Lots of mamma and poppa geese with their broods, ducks as well. The river is completely thawed now, so it was possible to see fish moving in it's depths too. Trout probably. It was a beautiful warm day. On the new island walk, there was a strong sense of peace and stillness. I felt my heart chakra opening suddenly and unexpectedly. It felt good, like a release of some old karma maybe. I took it as a sign that things will go better now. Might as well be positive - right?
On the way home that was tested when I met one of the moms of one of my son's friends. She was angry about everything and wanted to vent. I understood, because we all have days like that. It was hard not to let that rage get me down though. Quite honestly, I don't see the world the way she does so it was hard to find words that were both honest and would offer her comfort, validation or support. She wanted all three of those badly, but the best I could offer was the comfort part.
There seem to be a lot of very frustrated people coming into my life these days seeking solace. Usually I can handle that, but my own frustration with some of the work and finance issues in my life is making it difficult for me to find the energy in myself to give back out. I'm not certain what the lesson is supposed to be, but I hope I can figure it out soon. I'm just too tired to deal with all the anger being expressed. Think I'll just go play with the cats and read to my guy. That always lower my stress level a lot. So does writing to you dear diary. I'm glad you are here for me whenever I need to vent.
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