12:21 a.m. - 2004-05-15
Education
I chatted with one of the young women from my community all the way to work. She was telling me about the country she grew up in. Education 101 - never assume anything. At work my liaison A and I continued a running conversation we've developed around clothes and family values, although not necessarily linked. I don't usually find women in this industry with attitudes similar to mine, so I am really enjoying all this the female companionship for a change.
First call of the day was my supervisor calling to check in and let us know he would be late getting to the meeting that he had scheduled with my co-worker and me. That was good in some ways - meant I could just focus on what I was working on at that point, without worrying about stopping in mid-record. He was able to make it in just before lunch and the three of us spent about an hour working through our observations and concerns about what is being found. It means a very detailed report to build this weekend for Monday, but it might move things forward considerably as a result.
I had an odd reaction to my supervisor today. Some of my family have been quite agressively involved in trying to manipulate or control my health care lately - the lung thing. That includes, I think, contacting my health care providers and trying to force them to bully me into care I don't need or want. In Canada, medical law insists on confidentiality, respect for the physical integrity of each patient and their right to decide about their own body. I've been very picky about ensuring the people I entrust my care to, value and apply that principle above all else. I think the family in question have too much time on their hands, a lack of knowledge coupled with a fear of what they think might be wrong, and maybe are trying to make up for when my Mom died. They didn't understand how serious her condition was and, therefore, didn't take seriously what was happening to her at the time. It meant when she really needed someone to intervene with the medical community that it didn't happen. Projection of that angst on to me, is the justification being used.
The easiest way to explain what I mean, dear diary, is through an incident I helped deal with as a volunteer. I used to occasionally be part of the counselling team that worked in the family support clinic I helped set up as a community volunteer. A classic case of projection manifested itself during a series of sessions between a step mom and her newly acquired adolescent son. She asserted that he was acting out as a potential suicide and was wanting the team to intervene aggressively with the boy. At one point, she stated that her observations had been verified by someone at the young man's school just that week. That was the turning point in the sessions, when it became apparent that she was making up some of her "evidence".
When asked then about her motivation for being more concerned about the son's care than his biological father and mother, she stated that her own son had been the same age as this young guy when he committed suicide. She said she wasn't going to let that happen again. The boy hadn't shown evidence of any of the "symptoms" she claimed other than through her own projections, nor did any of the rest of the family perceive a problem with his behaviour. Throughout these sessions, the young man had been very patient and I admired his willingness to allow them to continue until the real problem came out about her fighting her own demons through projection on him.
I'm not finding the patience that young guy had in myself. I find it really insulting that anyone would try to over-ride my own choices, especially behind my back, because of guilt they carry over someone else. I'm trying to remember and apply the lesson that that young man offered, but I'm not doing a very good job. That came in to play today when my supervisor was showing care for my physical comfort and well being in the office. It just unnerved me and I started acting defensively rather than being grateful for his thoughtfulness. My response to my boss was my projection of my frustration with my family, so I guess that is another lesson. Note to Self: be conscious of the source of one's own emotions before responding to outside stimuli.
The afternoon went quickly and the bus ride home was fun. The second hubby of one of my friends - she was my favorite baby sitter when I was small - was standing with me. I hadn't seen him since working on my last contract so we were just catching up on industry chit chat specific to our jobs. We were joking about some of the oddities and eccentricities of the industry and how that manifests in our own reactions to things. Self awareness 101. Education in/on Transit.
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