Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

1:29 a.m. - 2004-04-04
Start or Finish
There is a solar eclipse coming up on April 19 at 29 degrees in the astrological constellation of Aries. The picture for that degree of the zodiac is "The music of the spheres". Fair enough I like music. However for me, in my astrological birth chart, that eclipse is in opposition to the planet Neptune (picture " A man in deep gloom. Unnoticed, angels come to help him") - dreams and illusions - and square to Uranus (picture " a leader of men wrapped in an invisible robe of power") - the bolt out of the blue. A T-square - three planets at right angles to each other - is considered a challenging aspect at best. If I was to complete the pattern to make a cross, then the missing picture would be "A woman reading tea leaves". Got that? Solar eclipses are supposed to be about beginnings. Hmmm. So what does that portend? Well since it is an aspect where there is tension, I don't even want to guess. Some person in a position of power makes a decision I don't like. Suddenly I hear music and angels appear. I don't realize they are there to help, until a woman shares her intuition with me. Whatever. The man? Maybe our Prime Minister? What does he decide about the election that I don't like? Sudenly music fills the air and I look for the hidden benefit. A friend will tell me of a dream. Who knows.

First call this morning was my Dad. My brother-in law's father died this morning. His cancer had been discovered just at the last eclipse in November. Omega yes, but a new beginning for him too? I believe that. Since the eclipses last November, there have been seven deaths among family and close friends in my circle. Those are the endings, I guess, while this eclipse in Aries would likely be interpreted as the beginning of a new cycle. I have heard a lot of the people who have been directly affected by their deaths talk about their guilt - what they or others, didn't do or didn't say. They fuss over the final acts like funerals and cleaning up the remains of the life that has ended - whatever that may entail, rather than cherishing the ones who are left behind. When I had the near death experience at 19, it was obvious to me that those I loved and missed would be there waiting when I finally am done here. My grandmother still gets that piper practicing for the "welcome home" party every so often. That skirl of the bagpipes can wake the living as well as the dead you know.

So for me it just reminds me to make the time and cherish the opportunities I am given, to spend with people I care about on this planet. Truth be told, the thing that frustrates me most is that interpersonal relationships are given so little value in our society - because it's hard to market or turn a profit on friendship - that it is almost seen as bad or wasteful to set aside the time necessary for family and friends. Most places I have worked take umbrage at the thought that a living person would take precedence over their need for high productivity. They will let you take time off for someone's funeral - provided they are related - but for a child that needs comforting or a friend that needs help? Well sure if you want to be fired.

I remember when I was really ill in January 2002. An allergic reaction to an antibiotic I had been given for pneumonia, nearly caused congestive heart failure. I still kept going to work, because a year of recovering from mononucleosis left me with no reserve funds to fall back on. There were a number of days where I kept asking myself why, when I was so seriously ill, I was going in to deal with a lot of people who didn't really want me there anyway - one of the assignments where theft was an issue. I wanted to be with my family and friends, thinking I might not survive physically much longer, but I wanted not to leave anyone with a big financial mess to cope with if that were the case.

Canadians are proud of saying we have a good social safety net for people experiencing short term crises like catastrophic illness like mine, but how does one explain the news story, a couple of months ago, about two people who were homeless. A brother and sister both about my age, they were. They had worked for years in this city, after moving here from another part of the country. Both had heart attacks within a few months of each other. When their employment insurance ran out they were still too ill to work, so they had to go on welfare. When that ran out, they lost everything they had including their homes. It's very hard to find an employer when you have no fixed address and your health is constantly being compromised, because of being forced to live on the streets. So here were two people who had contributed to this community all their lives, who were discarded as soon as there was no profit to be made from them. Instead of focussing all our angst and energy on the dead, maybe we should focus on those who are still here. "If you can't be with the one(s)you love, love the one(s)you're with".

Work today? A meeting with my finance officer. A couple of calls to different staff to get updates. A call from one Returning Officer asking a couple of questions. Then a call from Ottawa. Third in the chain of command they were, and a momentary thought that this was "THE" call to start the election activity. Nope. I was logging in to my EC e-mail as I was speaking to her. Up came an e-mail from one of the Returning Officers who had been blindsided by our "troublemaker". They had responded using "reply all" because that was how the problem person was causing a lot fo the trouble. Bullying by memo. The respondent was very frank, but very businesslike, about their objections to the behaviour that was being engaged in, by said problem person. That person must have forwarded it on to the person from Ottawa who was calling me. She said she had been on the phone with several of the Calgary people this morning and it seemed that there was concern about this person's actions from each one. How did I feel. I commented on those things that affected me directly and noted my objections as well. The response was that the person was new and should be given a chance. Fair enough, but there is a difference between making honest errors due to lack of experience and causing trouble willfully. Hopefully, this response from the Calgary team today will stop the behaviour and not just drive it underground. One of the people who had started cheering on the bullying in the local group called shortly after. Nothing was said about the e-mail or the call from Ottawa but it was clear that the response had rattled them. The number three person from Ottawa and I spoke of a lot of other things too. Mostly speculating on when things might get rolling, exchanging tips on how we were dealing with the stress we were feeling. I'm glad she took the time to respond and to hear everyone out. That hasn't been the norm, although this particular person has always been one of the few who we could talk to openly, but maybe change is on it's way - just like the eclipse.

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!

web stats