10:56 p.m. - 2003-12-20
Ghosts of Christmas Past
Schizophrenic - that's how the time feels. Nothing is moving and everything is moving too fast. The tide is coming in fast sweeping everything up in it's path, yet the rocks near the shore move not at all. Eddies of water, backwashes, and sprays of foam, as the two main elements in the vision collide. How do you cope with that? I guess pull back further either on to the land or the sea. Stop trying to marry the two when they are in conflict. Or take flight - the element of air encompasses both but is separate and free. Hmmmmm.
Longest night of the year tomorrow, then the daylight starts to grow again. I think part of the inner conflict comes because the mind and body want to follow the natural rhythms of the season. Hibernate and turn within, conserve energy and resources for what it feels coming after the turn of the calendar year. The outer rhythms of the world demand constant action and engagement with others in seasonal and social activities. The problem is the rhythms are discordant with my own right now.
There was a Jose Carreras special tonight - Christmas music. I was able to listen to it all and yes, I did sing along. I can't sing opera, but I do know the words to the carols. Well ok, Ave Maria was a bit of a stretch tonight, but no one was listening except the cats. Fortunately they seem to love me anyway. They just wanted to cuddle up wherever I sat down. Comforting.
Talked with my sister and brother today about arrangements to deal with my mom's cousin's funeral on Monday. Even if I cashed in my airmiles, I still couldn't have gone. For one thing the flights have to be booked at least a week in advance, and we only were told the time of her funeral yesterday. This is high travel season, not likely any room for compassionate exceptions on the airlines available. Calculating all the other expenses, it was clear that even if I took all the available cash I have just now, I still wouldn't have enough to cover it. Frustrating. My sister and I decided that maybe putting together a book of photos and telling stories of our memories of her might be the next best thing we could do. My parents always had a camera available and flashing during any family time together and there were lots of pictures that include her. When my grandfather - my Mom's Dad - died my Mom inherited all his slides too. Even more material to choose from. We can spend some time working on that on Christmas Day I think, since we'll all be over at my Dad's home.
Odd story in the paper today. Apparently the security cameras at Hampton Court Palace have caught a still photo of what appears to be a Tudor era ghost. Henry VIII played out many of his dramas here and that palace is central to many other tales of high intrigue later in the history of England. The staff assert that they can't account for the photo with any rational explanations - the camera had been put in place to try and find out who was constantly opening one of the fire exit doors. Now they still aren't certain what to make of it. Another Shakespearean story playing out mayhap?
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