7:39 p.m. - 2003-10-30
Eve
I woke up feeling quite blue today. I think everything I have been sort of keeping at arm's length all piled up and demanded to be dealt with overnight. For example, still no steady work. Yes, I have the Election assignment and it will need another week to complete. There's the temp work too, but there aren't any guarantees there either. I don't think that all that would be as much of an issue except I think I'm finally needing to be among larger groups of people now. The best thing about this break from the outside world has been that I haven't had to see anyone who I didn't want to. All my social interactions have been by my choice and with people I truly enjoy. But no flint no fire either. Introspection is critical to being fully functional as a person, but past a certain point one just becomes paranoid and cranky - qui moi? Oui toi.
The other factor was my first sight this morning. I looked out the back window and the snow was about hip high on our deck/balcony, whatever. Now I am built fairly low to the ground so others may not notice, but on-coming winter is an undeniable fact now from my point of view. Usually I love the crispness of the air and the pristine beauty of snow covered scenery, but not when I forgot to turn up the heat last night before bed. Brrrrrrrr. Good thing I didn't have to travel last night, the roads in town slowed traffic to a crawl or a standstill where there are hills to navigate and a lot of the highways had to be closed for a few hours. The reason is the type of snow that is falling. This is the wet, sticky stuff that melts briefly as it hits pavement, then freezes into little pools of ice. Throw in a zamboni or two instead of snow plows and people could skate - or play hockey - all the way home.
Anyway, I did the proactive thing and after I'd accomplished some tasks I felt better. Must have something to do with Saturn moving backward and the awful head cold I developed yesterday that made me feel as if I was swimming through treacle with everything. The dream I had last night was the other unsettling thing. All I can remember is that I was going for a job interview. It took place in an older house in a well established neighbourhood and it seemed to be in a small town. There was a spaciousness and wildness about the yard that one just doesn't see in an urban setting. There was a small steepled church just down the street where you just knew everyone gathered for any event - rite of passage - in the town that was important. There were three women who were asking the questions for the interview and we got along just fine. However, there was a male sitting within hearing in a darkened room off to the side, who wasn't so positive about the process. For some reason he was running some sort of garage or mechanics' operation and he didn't see me as being a good fit for the position, but the ad had described another position that had nothing to do with his business.
The outside of the building seemed to be important in some way, too. There were a lot of deciduous trees still in autumn form - half the leaves already fallen on the ground and the others rattling in the wind with that dry sound that tells you that they soon will hit the ground too. There were these curious half plant/half animal things along the walkway. They also seemed to be collected in a group or clump like a flowerbed only not,since the "bed" would move of its own accord from time to time with the "clump" unchanged. They seemed like animals because they were actively aware and responsive to humans showing a lot of affection when they were given any attention. Almost meowing - the sounds were. At the same time they seemed like plants because they were rooted to one spot and swayed in the wind sort of singing to themselves when not touched. They had these strange topknots that were mostly black with streaks of brilliant colour and they had numbers on them. At the end of the interview I was told that they were going to remove numbers 6, 19, 01, and 12 from the garden. I said I would take them home with me as I had gotten quite fond of them just by observing them. I think the response was a yes, but I had reached a door that I think led back ouside onto some kind of cement pad and I couldn't hear as clearly as I wished. I woke up at that point and felt a bit incomplete - not really in the dream state but not awake either.
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