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10:18 p.m. - 2003-09-02
Parenting 101
My youngest son went golfing for the first time today. Set off with one of his buddies, clubs in their nifty golf bags slung over their shoulders, facing a two bus commute each way. Sounds like they had a great time - lots of sun and fresh air. Six hours away, but half of that was travel time. I'm pleased that they are independent enough not to expect to be chauffeus(r)ed or chaperoned. Safety is an issue, but public transit in the middle of the day is still very safe, especially in groups. Children don't learn coping or critical thinking skills if they're never given permission or the opportunity to apply them without intervention from adults. Lasting self esteem is built by overcoming increasingly complex challenges on their own. A parents' role is to determine when a child is ready for that next test. Learning how to learn from failure on their own is success(get up and try again) and it is one of the biggest gifts a parent can give a child.

Miss Kitty was very upset with the absence. My youngest hasn't left the house for more than an hour at a time since she gave birth. When she saw him leave with his buddy, she raced back to the nursery. I could hear her fussing, but didn't give it much thought. All of a sudden I looked up and realized she had her favorite baby by the neck and had just jumped the barrier - about three feet high - that way. That baby is now about half her size. Poor little Cheshire Cat was curled up motionless from fright, I think. Mom seemed to be intent on taking her favorite with her and tracking "her human" down. Cheshire Cat was picked up and cuddled until I was certain she wasn't physically hurt and mom got a scolding. She appeared to be thinking of trying it again when I put her kitten back in the nursery, so I had to isolate her from the babies for a couple of hours until she calmed down. That seemed to be "punishment" enough. She's never had a barrier placed between her and the kittens that was impenetrable for her. Because Miss Kitty was so upset, the kittens were distressed. I curled up with them for a while until they settled down, too. So much for that free time I was planning.

In the paper this morning, the man who bought our professional football team, so his son could play quarterback, finally agreed to have his enforcer(CEO)stepped down from management today. I'm glad he did the right thing. The team had become the laughingstock of the league and the players were starting to rebel at being forced to "be in a continual circus". I wonder why parents think that living out their own fantasies through their children is more important than the child themselves. His son must feel terrible. Another man just had his case thrown out of court, whereby he tried to force the hockey league his young adult son competed in to revoke the Most Valuable Player Award given to another player, so his son could have it. That award had been determined by the cumulative votes of all the coaches and officials in the league. Another Dad is in jail for manslaughter, because he took offence and beat another parent who criticized his child's playing skills. One mom in a counselling session I helped in, brushed off the evidence that her young teen child, an honours student, had tried to commit suicide three times. The reason was that the mom wanted her child to qualify for very prestigious placements in both a performance group and high powered university program. When it appeared her child might not attain one of her mom's fantasy goals, mom grounded her and forbid her having any friends her own age. That's when her child tried to kill themselves. Even when the child and father broke down in the session, mom still would not release her child from her ambitious plans "because she loved her child and wanted the very best for them". Yeah right. She had the child training so intensely that there was deformity showing in the child's spine - some of the rehab training kicked in even before the family spoke. Children aren't toys or possessions of their parents either. Stewardship is not any easy skill to learn. One's ego always has to be on a rein. I still struggle with that one too and I've had lots of practice.

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