1:07 a.m. - 2003-02-20
Shelves.
Very odd dream last night. I thought my clock radio had gone off to wake me up. I could hear the chatter of the three DJs that moderate that part of the morning show. It seemed that people were telling stories of their holidays in various special tourist destinations. I recall the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, Bora Bora, New Zealand and the Cook Islands. Then off to Chichen Itza across to the Canary Islands, Spain and then finally Ireland. The tourists were describing a cathedral they saw there. What was weird was that they said the name of the church was Cathedral del Este .... and then abruptly the radio went dead and there was silence. I then woke up and checked my radio. It hadn't been on and there was about an hour to go until I needed to get up. Unsettling.
In the past week or so, Miss Kitty has been getting up with me. When she sees I'm ready to leave she stands up on her hind legs and reaches her front paws up to be picked up. She wants to cuddle before I go. My guys used to do that when they were smaller and I always found it difficult to leave them. I wanted to stay home with them and be a bigger part of their lives and I felt guilt although I knew I really didn't have any other options. There is no other way to support my guys and me. I was told by many people then, because of the boys and now because of my health that I should stay home, but I don't recall anyone coming forward with any ideas on how I was to pay the bills. No one would say such a stupid thing to a man, but it is a constant irritant I have to deal with - just throw in big gobs of guilt to add to the stress. No one could figure out why I wasn't happy when I was unemployed between November and January - well duh! I've worked as hard as anyone to contribute to this community and city, my guys and I deserve to share in the benefits too. Poverty and homelessness are not benefits. Nor is being forced to beg for everything you need. Oh well, I can't help other peoples' ignorance.
Work was quiet this morning and I just focussed on getting through as much of the next assignment as I could. My supervisor - A - called early on to ask some questions about international law for a meeting he had to attend - interesting. Went out for a walk at noon. When I returned the PC was in. Oh well, I guess I couldn't expect that she would be away for that long. I just avoided her. Went to pull some data frome the stacks where I had been working all morning. Pulled a file and the whole thing began to sway back and forth. Now we are talking about shelving that is very solid and heavy. I need a step stool to reach material on the upper shelves. The data on the shelving included massive studies, binders, books, folders, accordians of data and on and on. It's scary when it starts threatening to fall on you. I told B. She went and got D so she could show him where to take care. Then she called a variety of staff trying to find out how to get it fixed quickly so that none of the scientists gets crushed or injured in the meantime. It still hadn't been resolved when I left.
And so to bed - I guess - and maybe more interesting dreams.
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