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1:32 a.m. - 2003-02-01
In Dreams
I didn't sleep last night because of the weather front that blew in. It gave me another migraine. I'm going to have to get my sleep patterns back to regular hours in a hurry if I want to manage work.

The other thing that was keeping me up, were the nightmares I was having when I did sleep the night before. Bits and pieces kept flashing before my eyes while I was awake - that hasn't happened for a while. This sequence of dreams seemed to be derived from the movie "The Dead Zone" adapted from a Stephen King novel. The first time I saw that picture, it really frightened me because it felt as though it held the key to a future event in real time. Maybe that time is now. When I have nightmares then start seeing them when I'm awake, that's usually what it means - that something I've been dreaming about for a while is imminent in real time. Troubling.

Maybe my mind is more disturbed by the magicians' acts that are being played out on the public stage, than I am able to cope with right now. You know, on stage a magician creates all sorts of diversions and illusions, drawing the audiences' attention to the empty hand with flashes of light and loud noise while the other hand - and his helpers unseen - are picking everyone's pockets or murdering the hero of the tale. In the movie "The Dead Zone", the corrupt and dangerous villain is eventually exposed for what he is. Maybe I'm afraid that in real life that isn't going to happen in time. It leaves a very sick and frustrated feeling in my stomach. Who can succeed in doing what's necessary, who can bring out the truth? I'm afraid.

I slept this morning and dreamed about much happier things. It seemed there was a person in my life sort of a combination of the personalities of my Dad, my grandfather(Mom's Dad, and one of my older co-workers. We were living by the ocean on the west coast. There was a lot of family living nearby, and everyone spent a lot of time together. It seemed to be a close-knit, happy group. One of my cousins - not recognizable as any of my current cousins - owned a nicely fitted sailboat and often took whoever wanted to go, out for the day. There had been a bit of a party on board the day in question, but the older male shooed them all away toward sundown saying that something was wrong with the boat and it needed to be fixed before there could be any more trips on the water. My cousin was relaxing on his boat at a long wooden pier and seemed quite content. He was dressed all in black. His shoulder-length hair and beard were black too - tall and tightly knit was a good physical description. Then the older man told me to prepare to sail. I asked who was going and how we could do so, if there was a problem with the vessel. He said that there wasn't a problem, but that my cousin only wanted me aboard for the night sail. By that time it was very dark and there was a full moon reflecting on the waves. I was a little nervous, but I liked my cousin although I didn't know him all that well, and it seemed like it would be an adventure. I boarded the boat. End of dream.

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