1:46 a.m. - 2002-10-01
Remember
Brrrrrr. It was really nippy first thing this morning. It was likely because it rained all yesterday, then the clouds dispersed meaning the temperature really dropped overnight. Freezer burn. One sweet young thing - maybe 16 - had the right idea on the train - she brought her pillow with her. The cold and dark tends to make everyone sleepy, so why not curl up in your corner of the train if the opportunity presents itself.
Calgary covers about 280 sq miles or 725 sq kilometers with widely varying topography and elevations. Foothills, river valley, bald prairie, glacial ridges. That means one part of the city can have entirely different weather than any other part. My sibs and my Dad all live in different quadrants, so we sometimes phone each other when the weather gets weird - which in Calgary is often - just to see who has the best deal for the day. Today the NW had the bum weather - about 2.5 " or 5 cm of snow with icy roads. By the end of the day everything had warmed up a bit, melted and evened out.
At work I was kind of doing the "why am I here" and "am I doing the right thing" scenario while I was working through some mechanical tasks. I guess that's what happens when there are several deaths in a row among family and friends and your discman runs out of juice. Leaves your brain with nothing to do but ask the big,rhetorical questions.
I really miss the volunteer work I did because I know it made a difference for a lot of people who couldn't always protect themselves, but I can't make enough to support my family working in those areas. The sciences I deal with and their applications fascinate me, but I still don't find the work all that fulfilling. I think that's partly because I have to fight so hard to make myself understood. My supervisors are administrators not scientists. They don't always understand the implications of what I'm telling them nor do they understand the amount of work that is required to ensure that due diligence requirements are met on their part. Partly, that is because they have very heavy workloads themselves and partly it is because corporate culture isn't necessarily ethical by nature and is a barrier to doing the "right thing". However, it shouldn't require so much time to make so many pretty "packages" of the information when the substance is so disturbing and was obvious as early as last May. It is really frustrating to still be trying to get through 4 months later. The scientists know what the problems are but they aren't heard either and they don't have time to assemble the pretty packages and do their real work too.
Serendipity stepped in and helped me find some closure on these questions when I got home and went to one of my favorite websites.
Astrology has been an avocation of mine for about 30 years. When my volunteer activities required me to work with people who were really distressed, sometimes it was the only tool I had that made them feel safe enough to talk about what was going on in their lives. Coming from "just a Mom" over a cup of tea, it was non-threatening, non-judgemental, and non-authoritarian in that it is not like going to a mental health clinic where notes are taken, judgements are applied, and you will be told "what's wrong with you". It was a way to look at a number of options without making them feel pressured because it was "just a story" anyway.
Anyway, I am always curious how professional astrologers interpret different aspects so I look for sites that discuss those things. My favorite astrologer is Kramer at www.astrofish.net because he has a trenchant sense of humour that keeps his interpretations fresh plus a sense of compassion (not openly admitted to of course) that means he focuses on the positive or the possible rather than the doom and gloom of so many other writers. He often includes links to other sites in his prognostications and in his webjournal that are - well - interesting to say the least.
Today one link was to doorway magazine. One of the articles I read there didn't answer any questions directly but it did, in a roundabout way, remind me of something that occurred during my near death experience. When asked to choose by "the judges" I decided I needed to finish up the commitments I had made for here before staying with my grandmothers. That's all I needed to remember. No more angst.
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